Fishing Without Bait 537: When Motherhood Feels Overwhelming w/ Melissa Carey
What if the expectations you are trying so hard to meet are the very things preventing you from enjoying your life?
That question sits at the heart of the latest episode of Fishing Without Bait, as behavioral health therapist Jim Ellermeyer continues his conversation with Melissa Carey.
From exploring Reiki and alternative spiritual practices to discussing the complicated emotions of motherhood, Melissa shares a journey of learning to trust herself and accept the unexpected turns in her life.
A Journey Into Reiki and Personal Healing
Melissa's interest in Reiki began when she was studying music therapy in the 1990s.
She remembers hearing the word for the first time without knowing what it meant. Something about it stayed with her, and she knew she wanted to learn more.
After moving through different stages of her life and finding an influential mentor in Pittsburgh, Melissa began studying practices including energy work, breathwork, and card reading.
Her understanding of these practices evolved over time. She explains how her use of cards shifted away from predicting future events toward reflecting on the present.
When Jim asks her to explain Reiki, Melissa describes a practice based on the concept of universal life energy. She talks about her approach to helping people explore their intentions, noting that she makes no promises about specific outcomes.
Her discussion reflects an important theme of the podcast: understanding the present and approaching personal growth without rigid expectations.
Loving Your Children Doesn't Mean Loving Every Moment of Motherhood
One of the most moving moments of the episode arrives when Melissa talks about raising four children.
She acknowledges that motherhood brought tremendous love into her life, but also responsibility, uncertainty, and emotional exhaustion.
She explains that she loved her children, but for a time she did not love the experience of being a mother.
Those feelings created a difficult conflict.
Melissa wanted to be a good parent. She wanted her children to feel supported, safe, and loved. Yet she also found herself overwhelmed by the pressure to do everything correctly.
Much of that pressure came from trying to follow everyone else's advice.
Parenting books, teachers, relatives, and friends all had ideas about how children should be raised.
Eventually, Melissa recognized that she had become so focused on meeting those expectations that she had lost touch with her own judgment.
Her turning point came when she decided to take ownership of her parenting choices.
Rather than trying to satisfy every outside opinion, she would make the decisions she believed were right and accept responsibility for them.
That shift allowed her to begin enjoying motherhood on her own terms.
Why We Need to Talk Honestly About Parenting
Jim reflects on conversations with people who feel guilty admitting that they sometimes need a break from being parents.
Melissa challenges the idea that every day of parenthood must be joyful.
She points out that openly acknowledging exhaustion or frustration does not diminish someone's love for their children.
In fact, having space to recognize and express difficult emotions can encourage greater honesty in our relationships.
The conversation highlights the importance of allowing people to speak about their experiences without immediately judging them.
What Do You Deserve in a Relationship?
Later in the episode, Jim turns the discussion toward self-worth, especially the expectations placed on women.
He describes an exercise in which he asks people to consider not simply what they can offer a partner, but what they should require from someone who wants to be part of their life.
What does it take to be with you?
What are your expectations for respect, equality, communication, and understanding?
For many people, those questions can be surprisingly difficult.
Melissa adds a thoughtful challenge: If someone has never experienced respect or autonomy, how can they immediately recognize what a healthy relationship should look like?
She emphasizes the value of hearing other people's experiences and learning through supportive conversations.
Sometimes hearing another person describe something familiar provides the perspective needed to recognize it in our own lives.
Creating Yourself Instead of Finding Yourself
Throughout Fishing Without Bait, Jim encourages listeners to stop waiting to discover some perfect version of themselves.
Instead, he invites them to create a meaningful life through mindfulness, intention, and action.
Melissa's experiences illustrate that philosophy.
Her story includes changing professional directions, raising children, navigating difficult relationships, and learning from choices she once regretted.
She describes reaching a point where even the unpleasant experiences of her past became valuable because of what they taught her.
Rather than wishing to erase those experiences, she learned to appreciate their place in her journey.
A Mindfulness Question to Take With You
Consider two questions from this conversation:
Whose expectations are guiding your choices?
What do you deserve from the people in your life?
You don't need to answer either question perfectly.
Simply recognizing that you have the freedom to ask them can be a meaningful beginning.
Listen to Fishing Without Bait 537
Join Jim Ellermeyer and Melissa Carey for Part 2 of a thoughtful conversation about Reiki, motherhood, self-trust, personal identity, and building a life based on your own values.
Learn more about Melissa's work:
https://intothespirithealing.life
Listen to the podcast and subscribe through your favorite podcast app:
https://www.fishingwithoutbait.com/
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Explore Jim's book, Learn to Fish Without Bait: A 365-Day Mindfulness Journal and Adult Coloring Book:
https://www.lulu.com/shop/james-ellermeyer-lpc-ma-ncc-lpc/learn-to-fish-without-bait/paperback/product-6n9rd8.html?page=1&pageSize=4
